CONVERSATIONS WITH MOTHER AYAHUASCA PT I: IGNORED (MAMA AIN’T HOME)

SOME PEOPLE GO TO THE AMAZON FOR SIGHTS. SOME GO FOR WILDLIFE. OTHERS GO FOR AYAHUASCA.

BY LARA

AYAHUASCA, THE SACRED, HALLUCINOGENIC MEDICINE USED BY SHAMANS. MANY BACKPACKERS FLOCK TO THE AMAZON, SEEKING HEALING, ENLIGHTENMENT OR JUST A NEW DRUG TO TRY. SOME PREPARE MENTALLY FOR YEARS, MEDITATE AND DIET FOR WEEKS PRIOR, AND GO INTO THE EXPERIENCE WITH GREAT RESPECT. OTHERS WASH AWAY THEIR BURGERS AND MOJITOS WITH A SHOT OF AYAHUASCA.

AS FOR ME? NO CONFESSIONS HERE, I WAS PART OF THE FIRST GROUP. FOR WEEKS I ATE NO MEAT, SALT, ONION, GARLIC, SPICES, MILK OR SUGAR. I TOOK NO DRUGS, DRANK NO ALCOHOL OR COFFEE AND HAD NO SEX. SO WHEN I TOOK MY FIRST CUP OF AYAHUASCA OUT OF THE HANDS OF THE MIGHTY LOOKING SHAMAN, DRESSED IN WHITE CLOTHES, BIG JEWELRY AND FEATHER CROWNS, I WAS EXPECTING SOME FIREWORKS. I WAS READY FOR MOTHER AYAHUASCA TO SWOOP IN AND CRUSH MY EGO, MAKE ME CRY, LAUGH, FEEL AND SURRENDER. AFTER THE 4TH CUP I REALIZED NONE OF THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. THE OTHERS AROUND ME WERE GONE AFTER THE 1ST OR 2ND CUP, OCCASIONALLY MOANING OR LAUGHING MANICALLY. NOT ME THOUGH, I FELT SOBER AS A JUDGE.

MY FELLOW AYAHUASCA DRINKER MUTTERED ¨SO BRAVE…¨ WHEN I WENT TO ASK FOR MY 5TH CUP, BUT I DID NOT FEEL BRAVE. I FELT BORED! READING FOR YEARS ABOUT THIS HOLY MEDICINE, TALKING ABOUT IT FOR COUNTLESS HOURS, GOING TO THE DEEPEST DEPTHS OF THE RAINFOREST IN SEARCH OF THE BEST SHAMAN AND WHAT DO YOU GET? I WAS THINKING OF BURGERS! JUICY BURGERS WITH CRISPY BACON AND CARAMELIZED ONIONS. AND PARTIES! GOD HOW I LONGED FOR A FUN NIGHT ON SOME GOOD MDMA, A WALK THROUGH THE FOREST ON LSD… OR WAIT, STOP. I SHOOK MY HEAD IN DISBELIEF, HERE I WAS, READY TO LET AYAHUASCA TURN ME INTO A SAINT AND ALL I WAS THINKING ABOUT WAS JUNK FOOD AND DRUGS? WASN’T AYAHUASCA SUPPOSED TO RID ME OF THAT? HIGHLY DISAPPOINTED, I DRANK MY 5TH CUP, WHICH (HOORAY, SOMETHING IS HAPPENING!) MADE ME PUKE. GUESS THAT WAS IT FOR THE NIGHT.

THE NEXT NIGHT THE WHOLE STORY REPEATED ITSELF. THE GIRL NEXT TO ME TOOK HER FIRST CUP AND WITHIN 2 MINUTES PUKED HER GUTS OUT. WITHIN 5 MINUTES SHE PROCEEDED TO STUMBLE AROUND THE MALOCA (THE CEREMONIAL HUT), TRYING TO OPEN DOORS THAT ONLY EXISTED IN HER MIND. THE SHAMAN HAD HIS HANDS FULL WITH HER FOR THE NEXT 2 HOURS. AND THERE I WAS AGAIN; SIPPING CUP AFTER CUP OF THE NASTY BREW, FEELING LIKE IT WAS CHAMOMILE TEA. MY SOBER STATE WAS ONLY INTERRUPTED BY THE OCCASIONAL FART OF THE SHAMAN (I GUESS THEY’RE ONLY HUMAN AFTER ALL…) OR WHIMPER OF THE GIRL. HOW I WISHED TO BE WHIMPERING TOO.

THE NEXT DAY I ACCEPTED MY DEFEAT (FOR THE MOMENT) AND RETURNED TO THE CITY. HERE, I QUICKLY BUMPED INTO THE SHAMAN WHO HAD ALSO GONE INTO TOWN TO GET SOME SUPPLIES, AND TO APPARENTLY GET HAMMERED WITH HIS BUDDIES. I WAS CONFUSED. HOW WAS IT POSSIBLE THAT I FOUND THIS FAMOUS AND HIGHLY PRAISED SHAMAN, DRUNK ON THE STREET? THE HOSTEL OWNER WAS QUICK TO ANSWER THAT, DON WILLIAM WAS A KNOWN ALCOHOLIC: ¨BUT A GREAT SHAMAN TOO!¨ HE ADDED QUICKLY. THOSE CONCEPTS HOWEVER, DID NOT WORK TOGETHER IN MY MIND. HAD IT BEEN HIS FAULT THEN? AND WOULD IT BE DIFFERENT WITH ANOTHER SHAMAN? I WAS DETERMINED TO FIND OUT.

THE INTRODUCTION TO OUR CONVERSATIONS WITH MOTHER AYAHUASCA SERIES CONTRIBUTED BY LARA.

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