ON MARRIAGE (IN THE NAME OF LOVE AND MONEY) – PT I AND II

PART I: IN THE NAME OF MONEY

“I DON’T WANT TO GET MARRIED.” ONE OF THE BEST REPELLENTS YOU CAN USE TO WARD OFF GUYS THESE DAYS, BELIEVE IT OR NOT. IT ALWAYS LEADS TO SOME FORM OF SUBTLE, MEEK DEBATE – THE MAN GRAPPLING TO WRAP HIS HEAD AROUND WHY A WOMAN WOULD EVER WANT SUCH A THING, WHILE PASSIVELY ATTEMPTING TO PERSUADE ME TO THINK DIFFERENTLY.

 
THIS WAS A COMMON DISCUSSION IN GULU. EVEN WITH PEOPLE YOU HAD MET FOR THE FIRST TIME, AND WERE LIKELY TO NEVER MEET AGAIN. MARRIAGE IS TALKED ABOUT LOOSELY HERE – ALWAYS SERIOUSLY BUT VERY OPENLY. PEOPLE DO NOT FEEL THE NEED TO WAIT SIX MONTHS TO FIND OUT ANOTHER PERSON’S POSITION ON MARRIAGE, WORRIED THAT THE TOPIC IS TOO “PERSONAL,” LIKE WE DO IN THE WEST. NO, HERE, TWO-MINUTES IN AND YOU’RE ALREADY SIZING UP THE PERSON BEFORE YOU – NOW A POTENTIAL PROSPECT – DECIDING WHETHER OR NOT THEY ARE FIT FOR YOU TO WED.

 
WHEN HAVING LUNCH WITH LUCAS, I FOUND IT SLIGHTLY AMUSING TO SEE HOW HARD HE TRIED TO CONTAIN HIS REPULSION TO MY STRONG STANCE ON MARRIAGE. PLAYING MIDDLEMAN TO A NASTY DIVORCE THAT HAS DISSIPATED MY FAMILY INTO SAWDUST AT THE RIPE AGE OF TWENTY-THREE HAS ALLOWED ME TO SOLIDIFY MY OWN VIEW ON MARRIAGE, WITH LITTLE ROOM TO PIVOT. “I’D ONLY GET MARRIED FOR THE BENEFITS,” I SAID, HALF-JOKINGLY. “IT’S A BUSINESS TRANSACTION.”

IN UGANDA, AND A LOT OF OTHER PARTS OF THE WORLD, MARRIAGE IS VERY MUCH A BUSINESS. WOMEN ARE EXCHANGED FOR DOWRIES, AND MEN CAN HAVE AS MANY WIVES AS THEY PLEASE, IF THEY CAN AFFORD IT. SOME GIRLS HAVE YET TO FIND OUT THE MEANING OF SEX AND THEIR FUTURES ARE ALREADY SET FOR THEM. THE ABILITY TO SAY THAT I DON’T WANT TO GET MARRIED IS A PRIVILEGE, FOR MANY DON’T EVEN HAVE THAT RIGHT.

 
BUT REALLY, IS IT SO DIFFERENT FROM MARRIAGE IN THE WEST? WOMEN BECOME COMMODITIES AND COUPLES GET MARRIED AND DIVORCED –OVER AND OVER AGAIN – IN THE NAME OF LOVE AND MONEY.

PART II: IN THE NAME OF LOVE (FEATURING GREG AND EUNICE)

ON OCCASION, HOWEVER, YOU MEET THE ODD COUPLE THAT MAKES YOU THINK, MEH, MAYBE MARRIAGE AIN’T SO BAD. I MET GREG AND EUNICE IN KAMPALA WHERE WE SPENT THE MAJORITY OF THE NIGHT AT THE CASINO, THEM TEACHING ME HOW TO PLAY BLACK JACK, AND ME SITTING IN QUIET ADMIRATION OF HOW THEY SOMEHOW ALWAYS SEEMED TO KNOW EACH OTHER’S NEXT MOVE, AND HOW THEY DANCED IN SYNCHRONIZED FASHION WHEN ONE OF THEM HIT 21.

 
GREG, AN AMERICAN FROM MILWAUKEE, AND EUNICE, A KENYAN FROM THE KIKUYU TRIBE IN NAIROBI, HAD BEEN MARRIED FOR 3 YEARS NOW, ESCAPING THE KENYAN YEAR-LONG WEDDING CELEBRATIONS BY ELOPING AND HAVING A CIVIL MARRIAGE IN THE STATES WHERE THEY BOTH LIVED. THE MARRIAGE WAS SO SPONTANEOUS THAT THEY USED A CUT OUT COKE BOTTLE CAP AS A WEDDING RING, THE JUDGE, DOING WHAT SHE DOES BEST, BLATANTLY JUDGING THEM WITH AN AIR THAT REEKED OF “YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS.”

THREE YEARS LATER, THEY CAME TO KENYA TO HAVE THE TRADITIONAL WEDDING THEY NEVER HAD. THIS WAS EUNICE’S FIRST TIME SETTING FOOT IN KENYA IN SIX YEARS, AND GREG’S FIRST EVER VISIT.

WHILE THE KIKUYU TRADITIONAL WEDDING PROCESS USUALLY CONSISTS OF FOUR STEPS, GREG AND EUNICE MANAGED TO BREEZE THROUGH A COUPLE SINCE, WELL, THEY WERE ALREADY MARRIED, AND THEY’RE NOT YOU’RE AVERAGE COUPLE. THEY’RE GREG AND EUNICE. THIS MEANT THAT THEY WERE ABLE TO PASS OVER THE INITIAL ‘STATEMENT OF INTENTIONS’ THAT THE GROOM WOULD HAVE HAD TO DECLARE TO THE BRIDE’S FATHER BEFORE THE CEREMONY, CALLED THE KUHANDA ITHIGI. THE KUMENYA MUCII, OR MEETING OF THE PARENTS FROM BOTH SIDES, AND THE RURACIO, OR DOWRY PAYMENT, WERE ALSO SKIMMED THROUGH, ALTHOUGH IT WAS THE FIRST TIME GREG’S MOTHER WAS MEETING EUNICE’S FATHER. PERSONALLY, FORMALITIES ARE OVERRATED ANYWAY.

THEN, THE MOMENT WE’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR: THE NGURARIO – THE KUKUYU WEDDING CEREMONY. THE MORNING OF THE WEDDING, RELATIVES OF EUNICE TRICKLED INTO THE HOUSE AS THE MORNING GREW LATER, EMOTIONS AND EXCITEMENT FILLED THE ROOM WHILE THE GROOM’S PARTY HAD TO GET LAST-MINUTE SUITS MADE DUE TO WARDROBE MALFUNCTIONS.

ADORNED IN AFRICAN PRINTS, THE WOMEN CHANTED TRADITIONAL CEREMONIAL SONGS AS THE BRIDE WALKED ON LESSOS (TRADITIONAL WRAPS WORN IN EAST AFRICA) TO THE BRIDAL CAR – ENSURING THAT THE BRIDE WOULD MAKE IT TO THE WEDDING PURE AND UNSOILED AS BELIEVED IN KENYAN TRADITION.

A BLEND OF AMERICAN AND KENYAN TRADITIONS, THE WEDDING WAS FULL OF DANCING, CRYING, LAUGHING – SOMETIMES SIMULTANEOUSLY. I SAT IN THE FRONT ROW CATCHING GLIMPSES OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY WITH TEARS AND MASCARA STREAMS RUNNING DOWN AND SMILES ON THEIR FACES. IT WAS FULL OF COLOUR, FULL OF LIFE.

AND A LITTLE HOPE THAT ALL LOVE IS NOT LOST.

DEDICATED TO THE COLES AND MY FRIENDS THAT HAVE RECENTLY GOTTEN ENGAGED OR MARRIED. BEAT THE ODDS.

WEDDING PHOTOS SHOT BY DANIEL MUGO PHOTOGRAPHY 

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