ON TRAVELING AS A BLACK-ASIAN FEMALE SOLO TRAVELLER (PART I)

DIARY OF A MAD BLACK-ASIAN WOMAN. LESSONS LEARNT FROM DR. SEUSS

WHETHER WE LIKE TO ADMIT IT OR NOT, APPEARANCE MATTERS WHEN IT COMES TO FIRST IMPRESSIONS, AND ANY LASTING IMPRESSIONS AT ALL. APPEARANCE ALLOWS US TO CLASSIFY OTHERS, TO CATEGORIZE, TO PUT PEOPLE IN THESE LITTLE BOXES THAT ENABLE US TO NOT ONLY VISUALIZE WHERE WE FIT IN, BUT ALSO WHERE OTHERS DO NOT BELONG. IT’S A REALITY, A HARSH ONE, BUT A REALITY NONETHELESS.

ONE OF THE THINGS WE FIRST SEE WHEN IT COMES TO APPEARANCE IS RACE, THIS SOCIOLOGICAL CONSTRUCT WE INVENTED TO KEEP PEOPLE IN ORDER. WHAT WE TEND TO FORGET IS THAT RACE LARGELY EQUATES TO CLASS, AND JUST LIKE CLASS, THERE IS A HIERARCHY WHEN IT COMES TO RACE. YOU CAN DENY IT, YOU CAN CLAIM THAT YOU DON’T SEE COLOUR. BUT WHETHER YOU ARE CONSCIOUS OF IT OR NOT, WE ALL DO IT. WE CLASSIFY. AND SOME OF US EVEN ACCEPT IT.

NOW MY CASE IS A BIT UNUSUAL. WITH MY DAD BORN INTO HUSTLE AND BUSTLE OF KINGSTON, JAMAICA, MY MOM IN THE TROPICAL GREEN FIELDS OUTSIDE OF MANILA, PHILIPPINES, AND ME IN MONTREAL, CANADA, I’M A BIT OF A BIOLOGICAL MUTT – A COCKTAIL OF DIFFERENT COLOURS, CULTURES AND CLASSES. AND IT’S APPARENT. IT’S APPARENT IN THE CURL IN MY HAIR, THE CURVE IN MY EYES, MY WIDE NOSE, MY BIG LIPS, AND THE COLOUR OF MY SKIN, MY AMERICAN ACCENT AND MY HIPSTER STYLE. IT’S ALSO APPARENT IN THE WAY THAT I’M TOLD THAT MY ENGLISH IS “VERY GOOD,” IN THE WAY THAT I’M STARED AT RELENTLESSLY, AND IN THE WAY THAT I’M ASKED IF I HAVE ANY “LOCAL FRIENDS” THAT ARE LOOKING TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.

AND YOU GET USED TO IT. IT DOES BECOME NORMAL. TIRING, BUT NORMAL.

AFTER ALL THIS TIME, YOU JUST WANT TO FEEL LIKE YOU BELONG SOMEWHERE. WHEN I WAS HOME, I STOOD OUT BECAUSE I WAS BLACK. WHEN I WAS IN THE PHILIPPINES, I WAS POINTED AND LAUGHED AT BECAUSE I WAS NOT COATED IN SKIN-WHITENING CREAM. AND NOW THAT I’M IN AFRICA, I’M NOT BLACK ENOUGH. THERE IS NO WINNING.

WHEN I WAS YOUNG, MY WISE FRIEND DR. SEUSS ASKED ME, “WHY FIT IN, WHEN YOU WERE MEANT TO STAND OUT?”

IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME, ALL WE WANT IS TO FIT IN. ALL WE WANT IS TO FEEL NORMAL.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT SAME FRIEND ALSO ONCE SAID, “TODAY, YOU ARE YOU. THAT’S TRUER THAN TRUE. THERE’S NOBODY ELSE THAT’S YOUER THAN YOU.” AND THAT MY FRIENDS, IS A FUCKING FACT IF I EVER HEARD ONE. (MAYBE EVEN THE FACT-IEST OF FACTS).

I MEAN, THERE ARE THINGS YOU CAN’T CHANGE. AND I’M NOT GOING TO SOB ABOUT IT. FOR MANY PEOPLE, THEIR STORIES ARE ALREADY WRITTEN FOR THEM.

I’M NOT GONNA SOB ABOUT HOW MY NEAR-PERFECT GENES WILL RENDER ME AGELESS, BUT WOULD ALSO LEAD ME TO HAVING CHILDREN TOO YOUNG, TO BEING BEAT BY MY HUSBAND, AND TO HAVING A JOB WHERE I’LL NEVER MAKE AS MUCH AS MY WHITE-MALE COUNTERPART. BECAUSE THAT IS NOT MY STORY.

I AM A BLACK-ASIAN CHICK WITH A RESTING BITCH FACE SCULPTED BY GODS, AND I AM VERY PROUD OF IT. I HAVE A POTTY MOUTH BUT I CAN ALSO SPEAK WITH ELOQUENCE, AND SOMETIMES, I LIKE TO DO BOTH SIMULTANEOUSLY. IMA DO ME. I’M GOING TO WRITE MY OWN STORY. IMA DO CRAZY SHIT AND I’M GONNA TRAVEL THE WORLD. AND I’M GONNA WRITE ABOUT IT.